A simple tool for making communication easier
Trust is a very important part of any company’s culture. It comes from knowing what to expect and “where someone comes from” in other words, their motivation. But motivation is often hidden behind what people can see – your actions, your words, your tone of voice.
If you’re the boss, people try to read all sorts of meanings into everything you do – from what you wear to your body language. This often shocks people when they first become managers of others. Like they forgot what it was like when they saw the boss scowl or say “FINE” in response to an assignment instead of “GREAT JOB”. Speaking of what the boss wears, Mitchells – a clothing store in Westport, Connecticut – got a huge boost when the headquarters of GE moved nearby and the boss started shopping there. Soon lots of others from GE did too.
So what can you do to develop trust? Besides shopping at Mitchells, I mean. Make the implicit explicit. Explain what makes you tick. One way to do that is to write a Personal User Manual. It lets others know how you work and how they can better work with you.
When Abby Falik did this, she “sat with questions like: Which activities give me energy, and which deplete me? What are my unique abilities, and how do I maximize the time I spend expressing them? What do people misunderstand about me, and why?” Then she put her thoughts into a one page document.
That last bit about being misunderstood is important. We often don’t know how others see us. So I recommend when you write a user manual, run it by some people you trust (there’s that word again) before you distribute it to your entire team.
It shouldn’t take more than 30 minutes to get out a first draft. I think Abby’s list of sections is a good place to start:
My style
What I value
What I don’t have patience for
How best to communicate with me
How to help me
What people misunderstand about me
Her entire story including her user manual is on her LinkedIn page.
I chose a slightly different approach to my user manual. Here it is.
Strong Opinions, Weakly Held
I’ll toss out an idea but I’m thrilled if you push back. I think push-back indicates commitment and even appreciation. The goal is that together we get to a better solution – it doesn’t have to be mine.
I like it when the ideas and critique can be based on data. I appreciate self-awareness and an attempt to dismantle the cognitive biases we all have. I dislike it when the ideas and critique are based solely on emotion without factual basis.
Lots of things we believe are based on erroneous “common wisdom” or bias in our judgement. I believe it’s important to examine these and be willing to change or at least suspend our judgement when it’s not based on data.
Emotions are Reasons
Sometimes you just want something because you want it. Or don’t want to do something because you don’t. That’s fine if you understand the ramifications and are ready to deal with them. But separate emotions from data. If you have a feeling because of things you see and hear, bring those up as well – don’t just tell me what you’re feeling.
I ask Questions Literally
Don’t read intent into my words – ask where I’m coming from if it’s not clear. For example, if I say “Why did you do that?” I probably don’t mean I think it was a stupid idea, I’m really asking for the reasons or thought process behind your decision. I genuinely want to know why.
I often push for extremes
That doesn’t mean I think the extremes are good or even possible. But I’m pushing the envelope looking for what the real limitations are. Example, if I say “Why is your goal $5M not $10M?” I’m not suggesting that 10M is reasonable or even possible. I’m looking for what the constraints are and which ones are external, which are internal, and which may be emotional.
And I push for context. So I’ll often ask about that – not to demean your position but to understand the entire landscape of an idea. It frustrates me not to know the background of a decision or a result.
I start with the worst case
Business (and life) has risks. I like to look at what could go wrong and if we can live with that, then I’m more eager to move forward. That’s often where I start to evaluate an idea before I look at the potential upside. If I start there, it often means I like your idea. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother. In my view, appropriate argument shows appreciation and commitment. I come from a NY Jewish background in that regard.
/END of my User Manual
Remember trust goes both ways. So if you want to build a tight culture of trust in your company, maybe everyone should write a user manual – or at least your leadership team. It might be a good thing to do at an all hands meeting rather than make in an extra assignment people have to do during their normal work day. Here’s how that could work.
Talk about the purpose of a User Manual
Share yours
Set aside 30 minutes or so for people to write their own 1st draft
Set aside 10 minutes for everyone to read theirs to someone else in the room.
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